Being Present in the Now Moment

It happens quite often. Someone is talking to you and you're zoning out on the other end. It isn't that what they're saying is boring. You just went somewhere, back to the argument this morning, or forward to the bill that's due, or off into the story you tell yourself about how they really feel about you. Meanwhile a living person is right in front of you, offering you something, and you're not there to receive it.

I spent a big part of my life not being in my own body. Trauma will do that, because when being present hurts, the mind learns to leave, and it gets very good at leaving. It took me years of work to come back and stay, so I don't say any of this from a high horse. I say it as somebody who knows exactly how far away you can get without ever leaving the room.

How do you change that? Begin by actively practicing being present in the moment, and notice that I said practicing rather than deciding, because there's a difference. Discipline your mind to stop chasing other situations and ideas and truly make the effort to listen for what is being communicated by the other person, in the Now moment.

Here's a small way to start. When you notice you've drifted, and you will notice, don't beat yourself up, because that's just another way of leaving. Instead, feel your feet on the floor and the chair under you, look at the person's face, and come back into the room, and then come back into the conversation. Do that fifty times in a day if you have to. That's the whole practice.

Living in the past serves no one, and I promise you I checked, because I lived there a long time and nothing ever changed. Being present feels much better! All we have is this moment, and nothing else is promised, not tomorrow, not tonight, not even the next sentence. When you really take that in, being with the person in front of you stops feeling like a chore and starts feeling like what it is, which is a gift with a time limit.

Choose to come from love and practice active listening. Active listening means you're not building your reply while they're still talking, and it means you notice the pause, the catch in the voice, and the thing they almost said and didn't. So much communication is happening in between the tones and the words, and you may be missing it! Most of what people need to tell us never makes it into the words at all.

Give somebody your whole attention today, even if it's one person for a few minutes. Watch what happens to their face, and then watch what happens to yours.